Hyphen-Church Bulletin

29 05 2007

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On behalf of the entire board of advisers I’d like to apologize for the unfortunate events that took place during the Memorial Day service.  

As most of you know, we opened the day’s program by inviting church members to step to the microphone and express their thoughts about loved ones who had given their lives in military service.  Everything was going smoothly until one of our Moslem-Christian brothers wanted to honor those who died in service to Allah. Well, you know what happened next. 

Rest assured that the problem is being studied by our board of advisers and they hope to have a policy recommendation soon. I’d also like to mention that some on the board feel that the open laughter coming from our Atheist-Christian brothers did not help matters. 

In other policy matters, I need to inform you that a group has petitioned for inclusion in our church. You know that all hyphen-Christian groups that are officially recognized are listed on our web-site and church letter head. Normally, when a group asks to be recognized it is done on the spot. This case is a little more complicated. The group petitioning the church would be formally recognized as “Pedophile-Christians.” 

Those of you who have read our church charter know that we cannot refuse any group based on what they believe or practice. We are a church that embraces all (see article 1 of church charter). The problem is that this particular practice is also a crime.

Our board of advisers is working very hard to come up with a solution to this problem. The board would like to publicly thank our Homosexual-Christian brethren for their legal expertise and assistance in this matter.  Sincerely, Depud Egreme, Pastor  Hyphen-Church

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3 responses

30 05 2007
theepiphany

Funny. You are quite the creative writer.

31 05 2007
svd2thabne

Yes, Ken. I have to agree with theepiphany! You did a great job, my brother. In Morgantown, the word COEXIST on Bumper stickers is poping up on a lot of cars! It drives me crazy to see that sticker! Keep up the GREAT work!

31 05 2007
reductioadabsurdum

I love it when the IloveGodlookatourdebaucheryonmyspace-Christians at my Hyphen-Church get mad at the Nooneknowsaboutmydebauchery-Christians. Then the Idon’tknowanythingabouttheBible-Christians have to step in and try to break up the feud. Can’t we all just COEXIST!

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